When I first became a mom, my number one goal apart from keeping my child alive was SLEEP. It's all I could think about. It became more important than eating or pretty much anything else. SLEEP was the goal. Then when I popped out another child and started to manage two little hearts and minds and wild hands and bodies, my goal was to get some QUIET time. I just needed QUIET. Then came baby #3 and believe it or not, I started to get the hang of getting all the SLEEP and all the QUIET.
My second son August just turned 4 a few months ago which just blows my mind. His favorite place to play is in this little nook by my desk area. It's where the hallway meets the closet beside our sofa. My little introvert has found this space and now daily plays with his trains or other toys in that corner. The other day as I sat at the table with my coffee enjoying the QUIET, I glanced over at Auggy in his nook. He barely looked up, but when he did he'd look up at my little desk chair which was empty.
Sometimes God gives me these AHA moments, and as I watched the little fuzz on top of his head come in and out of view, I had an AHA moment. I realized what a difference it would make if . . . when he did look up at my desk chair . . . I was sitting there and not at the table. So I walked over with my coffee, sat there, and watched him play. I asked him a few questions that he quietly answered, then he got back to very serious business of building a toy plane. As he played I could see his sweet little smile coming in and out of view. Then I noticed him look up at me several times and give me the smile on purpose.
Sometimes in all my strivings as a mom, I forget the most important goal of all...just being present with my kids.
They don't NEED me to do all the things on all the Pinterest boards, say all the right things, or parent to perfection. Usually they just want me to sit in the chair. They want me to be with them, to see them, to love them by being present. If I'm never in the chair, how will August know he's loved? If he doesn't know how much he's loved, how will he understand it when I tell Him he's loved by a great big God? So my goal this year is to sit in that chair even more. When he asks me to watch him ride his bike, I want to watch him. When he wants to show me the lego train that he's built and reconstructed 1,000 times (no exaggeration) I will OOOO and AHHH again and again because I want to be present with my kid. I want him to know that he's loved, and someday I hope he will understand how deep, and how wide, and how everlasting His Father's love for him really is.